I know the saying goes 'be still my heart' but I have to tell you......
my heart is fine. My heart is being tenderly looked after by the Mr.
(I do want it to keep beating after this mornings run with Adelin if I can get enough oxygen to it, but thats a story for later).
How can you not be utterly in love with a man who awakens and starts his day with you, then begins the dishes before you arrive at the sink? These are very new developments in my day. There are a lot of new happenings in the everyday around here since the move.
Forgive me for not being in this space of late but I think im confused. scattered.
I havnt been able to put thoughts into words.
Like I said earlier, I love the doing of the dishes. Maybe its not the actual washing of them but the finality of the clean. The accomplishment? The jumping off point to then do other things? It gives me direction in the way it helps me start the day with a few uninterrupted thoughts. Who wants to talk to someone focused on scrubbing just in case they get hooked in to helping, right?
Right now I think im having trouble placing how I feel about a lot of things. I think I need direction. If I cant start the day with dishes, then what? How do I focus in on the day? How do I begin my thoughts?
Who do you ask for direction when there is so much on your plate? (eeek bad pun)
When there is so much in your life?
Im gonna ask my mum. She is coming over monday. Then im gonna sleep over at hers so she can elaborate on tuesday at breakfast, hopefully with me manning the sink. After breakfast im planning on a visit to our daughters and im gonna talk to her too. She is the best with advice as she hits you from left of centre when you least expect it and shes very, very intuitive.
My question: How do you love a man when things are too good?
Well... lets say... im uncomfortable with all the good things happening around our home.
I always have been on edge if things are okay.
I have never discussed my childhood here and didnt think I ever would. One thing I can share is that it was chaotic, or as a child I thought it was. I used to escape and climb the tree in my front yard and listen, or was it shut off?, hence my love/obsession with trees. I recognise I feel safe/powerful when there
is a tree around to climb. Give me chaos and im good to go. Make me safe and loved... I fall apart and dont know how to feel. Life is too good right now. Sorted. Busy, but sorted and even a tad still.
The youngins are off for the whole weekend so the Mr and I will be home alone
and I think we have plans.
He has plans of finishing some artworks and furniture, perhaps around an open fire or the outside brazier if the weather holds. He knows we will reconnect and I hope to be comfortable enough to tell him how and what I am thinking about lately. I feel strong on the inside but its my outside that is crumbling.
I think he knows. I think he is on to me. He has four years of wisdom on me, and it is beginning to show.
In creative news the studio is looking clear and finished and there are so many things I need to write in here but they will wait until some chaos happens and I can think again.
be still my life
be still my life
be still my life
Post post: I came across this at Curlypops! there seems to be a minitrend?